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[30 Apr 2009|08:19pm] |
i'm not depressed.
i'm just distracted.
i'm not depressed,
i'm just upset.
i'm not depressed,
i'm just angry.
i'm not depressed,
i'm just confused.
i hate being left in the dark, and being so far from home. i can't hug my mom and sister and tell them it'll be okay and we'll move on. i can't even see them. but why do i need to be kept in the dark? push it all under the rug, i'll never find out right?
so i found out today that my parents are getting a divorce, and i have no idea what to think. what to do. what do i come home to next? where will home be? i know neither of them can support themselves in mass. they can hardly support themselves together, nevermind apart. it's almost surreal, and just hard to think about. but i just wish they would tell me now. my mom has told amy and my brothers, and amy has been the only one to let me know. why can't anyone just talk about it?
even with 7000 miles between us, i'm still closer to my mom and dad than they are to each other, regardless of the same roof over their heads.
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[04 Mar 2009|02:43pm] |
WELL,
i think that only jazz and megan read this.
i mean, if anyone does haha.
but anyways.
i'll be home in two weeks, on the 18th.
i can't even begin to express how excited and nervous i am about the whole thing.
i haven't been home in over a year, nor have i since seen any family or real friends.
i can't wait for this, it's going to be amazing.
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[23 Nov 2008|08:42pm] |
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assuming i'm coming home in august.. i don't even know if mass will be home anymore
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[20 Nov 2008|09:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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owen |
] |
you know, it's crazy.
i spend so much time, what seems like actively trying to be happy.
i do this by focusing so much on what's good, what i have and what i could, what i want, and literally saying that i'm happy.
but then, it takes just a single moment, just one thought of all this, and it's crushing. it's just the feeling i get sometimes where i feel weak, and overwhelmed. i lie to myself. i'm really not all that happy with my damn life. i wouldn't mind spending this christmas here, away from home, but it worries me.. who am i going to spend christmas with? who's gonna say merry christmas to me? i have so many acquaintances, but no real friends. especially here. everyone waits for the moment when their "friend" walks out, and they fucking just shit on them. it's sad, how loyalty is close to nonexistent.
i definitely miss having a girlfriend, too. i feel like the next 3 years of my life are going to be alone. how can anyone find comfort in that?
i'll never understand what goes on in my head. never.
i'm fine.
i love coffee, owen, and my room and its christmas decorations.
check out the new pictures on facebook. that's why i love life here.
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[24 Oct 2008|12:39am] |
lifelifelifelifelife...
what's goin on..
well. i definitely have a crush on the girl i work with. she's just sweet, & not a whore!!
that sounds terrible, but really. it's a plus..
i've had a lot going on with my career, and deciding my future.
check it out. (& give me some feedback!!!!)
my simple logic is as follows:
i love massachusetts;
mass is expensive;
the average annual income in 01821 is 90 grand;
i need to make some sick cash to live in mass;
i don't settle for less; above average;
right now, i'm an air traffic controller;
i have the potential to take this career very far;
and or re-enlist for 81 grand;
HOWEVER, i've decided on a new path:
in the three years that i have left in the military,
i will obtain a bachelors degree in business and administration.
when i get out, in september of 2011,
i will pursue an MBA, with a minor in human resources management.
THAT is my current path, and long term goal.
more CURRENT:
i am going on the MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit) in January for 6 months.
we go on a boat, and we travel the fuck out of this side of the world.
possible and likely locations i'll soon see:
thailand;
philippines;
hong kong;
singapore;
iraq;
afghanistan;
and possibly more that i'm unaware of.
this isn't directly beneficial to my career, but it sure as fuck will be a good time.
AND ANDD ANDDDDD
i'm coming home to suprise my family for christmas!!
december 22nd, as of now, is the date.
i'd been back and forth as to whether or not i've wanted to come home.
my dad is convinced that i probably shouldn't.
BUT, i convinced him of that.
only pat and jimmy know i'm coming.
it's gonna be great.
& i just recently wrote an essay defining BEAUTY.
lemme know if you wanna read it!
leave some love
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[15 Oct 2008|11:48pm] |
if i cared less about my diet and fitness, i'd love to come home and have a couple beers every night. it's really nice, especially since it's friggan legal. seeing as i have a broken hand now, and cant hit up the gym, this is cool for now. i'm aiming for december 22nd as my arrival date--- exciting. it'll suck being underage in the states again, although it wont change a thing. a drink is a drink is a drink, fuck the bullshit rules.
i wanna fall the fuck in love hahaha
here.
i just want a fucking dog.
and maybe a family.
i wanna write songs again too.
figures, i get the broken hand then this.
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[08 Oct 2008|03:42pm] |
well my health seems so be going downhill lately!
i feel like crap, with just regular sickness things.
i have for the past few weeks!
SO friday night last week came along, and a bunch of my friends were going to chilis!
no thanks, gonna stay in do some homework, and i gotta be up at 6 for 24 hour duty tomorrow.
all going accordingly...
another friend comes along around 10PM or so.
we decided to get some cocos!! (good food!!)
so we're there, chowing down and nearing the end of our meal, when 3 shitfaced marines stumble in and order a to-go order.
they wait outside for it and smoke and whatnot.
we finish, so i pay and go to the car.
my friend pays, and as he walks out,
he gets punched in the face!!
this starts the lame fight.
this kid starts hitting me in the back of my head,
so i push him back into a car,
rip his collar,
and start poundinggggggg his face hgahahaha
so good. BUT i broke my hand on his face haha.
trying to charge the kids!
lame
i like the girl i work with :)
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[03 Aug 2008|10:13pm] |
oh and to add to the last entry..
what i've learned about the bull...
you gotta learn to fuck the bull,
before you can ride the bull
hahah.
that's what i got out of it anyways
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[03 Aug 2008|08:11pm] |
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music |
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dear and the headlights |
] |
i had a pretty nice birthday here in japanland!
i spend it with some good people, and we ate some DAMN good food.
best steak of my entire life. holy shit.
you don't even know. regardless, you don't know.
it was so good.
kobe beef steak and lobster.
godly.
along with many beers and drinks.
and riding the mechanical bull.
i had a pretty decent audience with the bull,
due mostly to my audacity and my stubbornness.
i did well! and my right forearm and left wrist feel fucked up!
hahahaha.
good times.
there is a veryyyy pretty new marine here.
(i know, weird. she's a marine, and pretty.. strange)
however, she's dating one of my friends. sucks.
she's awfullyyyy cute though. OH well.
good friend anyways, i hope.
i forgot about this entry. i left it right before this and went to the gym.
i think i'm gonna try some very strict, healthy eating habits for the next 6 months or so.
we'll see how long that lasts though haha.
if it ever even starts hahaha.
shower time.
peace kiddos.
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| i blame jet lag. |
[17 Jul 2008|10:19pm] |
it's a rainy, windy, beautiful night. i wish i were home right now. i was watching Elizabethtown, and wow, that movie is SO good. and wicked cute. i want to go on a road trippppp now. not a japan road trip, but one in america. &with a polaroid. just seeing all the highways, something simple as that. i miss it. i miss driving fast, and on the RIGHT side of the road haha. i miss being free, and having NOTHING big on my shoulders. ohhhh what i would give to have that back for just a while. owen doesn't help any haha, owen just makes me feel good, and feel.. real. whatever the opposite of uncanny is, that's what mike kinsella's music and voice do to me.
so i bought an electric piano yesterday. sadly enough, it's a terrible one, and i'm selling it as soon as possible to get a new one. i need one that has some life. one that isn't BATTERY POWERED. one with some action and dynamics. i don't want built in songs and light up keys, i just want some real sound!
and next, i'm definitely getting an acoustic this weekend. i'm not waiting anymore for my parents to send mine out, i need one sooner than that. yeah, the electric that i impulsively bought here is absolutely beautiful, but i am definitely an acoustic guy now. and just like the last, i can't bring myself to settle with some low grade, run of the mill acoustic. it'll hurt haha, but it damn well better have some good sounds.
kirsten dunst. whaaaaaaat is up with that chick? you can't just jump in on spiderman or elizabethtown and think that she's cute. HOWEVER, she will grow on you like CRAZY throughout the movie. her personality in every movie i've seen her in is just one that looks easy to fall in love with, and i think that's why everyone likes her so much. the same goes for.. that other girl.. what's her namee.. the notebook and wedding crashers.... i don't know haha, but she is gorgeoussssssss in every role she plays.
damnit i'm doing it again. it's 1030, and i'm getting up at 445 tomorrow. i need sleep. i practically fell asleep on position today hahaha.
the sad waltzes, of pietro crespi. bum, do do dee do.... haha love itttt.
i miss home, but i like it here too. i think i'm finally getting a little bit of that "home away from home" feeling. about time huh? i blame jet-lag =)
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[14 Jul 2008|07:05pm] |
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i gotta start giving up on these dying dreams. life isn't a fairytale and it's NOT all going to work out as planned.
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| Carpe Diem |
[08 Jul 2008|12:19am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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Dredg |
] |
last night i had a dream that i was with my dad, and he had died in some sort of police shootout.
in the dream i tried to cry, but couldn't.
i just sat and screamed.
shortly after waking up,
talking to tim online,
i found out that steve west died saturday night.
he joined the marine corps shortly after i did,
joined the marine corps band to play bass guitar.
straight up amazing, talented musician.
it came as no suprise to hear that he had enlisted in the band.
come to find out that he was actually stationed right next to me here in Okinawa.
he died, non combat related, while on tour in thailand.
All too often I hear on the news or read in the papers about Marines dying in combat and all. That does upset me, knowing that my brothers in arms are dying, while I am still here just doing my job. However, I never know any of these people. This time around, hearing about a Marine that I knew, it just seems to hit home a little more. No, he wasn't my best friend or anything, but he was a good kid, as well as a fellow Marine. It's just a totally different feeling when that face on the news, while anonymous to most, is someone that you knew. Someone that you shared classes with in high school. The fact that the cause of death is non-combat related, and apparently unknown at this time, further iterates the fact that it can all end abruptly at any time. It's a terrible feeling to have in the back of your mind, but also serves as just that; a reminder. Life is far too short to waste time worrying about every little thing. Make the best of all the time you're given, cherish the good times, and be thankful for what you've got. 'Cause it can be taken at any moment in the blink of an eye.
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| okay so |
[06 Jul 2008|09:35pm] |
i JUST updated this LJ right?
that last entry right?
so IMMEDIATELY after i update it,
i get an IM on AIM from UnmannedSalmon.
what the hell? it went like this..
Do you know this person? Report IM Spam
UnmannedSalmon (9:17:05 PM): Zerg, Protoss, or Terran?
timvinson1 (9:17:33 PM): ... protoss, why?
UnmannedSalmon (9:17:51 PM): wasnt a serious question why man you a gamer?
timvinson1 (9:18:11 PM): not really, just happen to remember starcraft haha. who's this?
UnmannedSalmon (9:18:22 PM): ever been salmoned
timvinson1 (9:18:31 PM): uh
timvinson1 (9:18:36 PM): ...
UnmannedSalmon (9:19:11 PM): did you just recently update a deviantart, xanga or lj?
timvinson1 (9:19:28 PM): yessss
timvinson1 (9:19:41 PM): why?
UnmannedSalmon (9:19:42 PM): ok so this program randomly connects people's sn
UnmannedSalmon (9:19:52 PM): i cant see you actual sn and you cant see mine
UnmannedSalmon (9:19:56 PM): both show up as a salmon
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:04 PM): its completly random
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:07 PM): :p
timvinson1 (9:20:10 PM): whaaat
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:13 PM): http://project-upstream.awardspace.com/
timvinson1 (9:20:30 PM): did it just ask you if you wanted to IM me or something?
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:40 PM): no its 100% random
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:46 PM): i type in my sn
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:49 PM): and it connected us
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:53 PM): you were the most recent to update
UnmannedSalmon (9:20:56 PM): lol
timvinson1 (9:20:58 PM): so random haha
timvinson1 (9:21:05 PM): that link wouldn't load
UnmannedSalmon (9:21:06 PM): totally
UnmannedSalmon (9:21:09 PM): asl?
UnmannedSalmon (9:21:12 PM): rele/
UnmannedSalmon (9:21:16 PM): ??
UnmannedSalmon (9:21:31 PM): i just cliked it on what i pasted and it worked?
timvinson1 (9:21:39 PM): yeah, it mighta been the browser i guess
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:06 PM): im 19/m/ny
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:09 PM): what browser
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:14 PM): get with the program and get some firefox man
timvinson1 (9:22:25 PM): i use safari
timvinson1 (9:22:32 PM): trying IE now
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:41 PM): wait if youre using safari
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:44 PM): youre on a mac
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:49 PM): why do you dare put IE on a mac lol
UnmannedSalmon (9:22:52 PM): im a mac man too yo
timvinson1 (9:23:01 PM): i'm not a mac haha
UnmannedSalmon (9:23:07 PM): linux?
timvinson1 (9:23:10 PM): i just use safari by preference
timvinson1 (9:23:12 PM): nope windows
UnmannedSalmon (9:23:20 PM): they make safari for windows?
timvinson1 (9:23:24 PM): mhmm
timvinson1 (9:23:50 PM): won't load on IE either for some reason
timvinson1 (9:23:58 PM): google even has the link, still won't load it though
timvinson1 (9:24:36 PM): this program is so wierd
UnmannedSalmon (9:24:40 PM): wierddd
UnmannedSalmon (9:24:48 PM): found your problem
UnmannedSalmon (9:24:51 PM): its simple
UnmannedSalmon (9:24:54 PM): windows
UnmannedSalmon (9:24:57 PM): :p
timvinson1 (9:24:57 PM): they all start with this IM too?
timvinson1 (9:25:00 PM): really?
UnmannedSalmon (9:26:00 PM): yeah they do
UnmannedSalmon (9:26:06 PM): it changes daily
UnmannedSalmon (9:26:12 PM): i didnt put that starter in
timvinson1 (9:26:15 PM): hahah
UnmannedSalmon (9:26:18 PM): ive never even played starcraft lol
timvinson1 (9:26:22 PM): haha
timvinson1 (9:26:27 PM): shit is so random
timvinson1 (9:26:34 PM): BUT 19 male and..
timvinson1 (9:26:34 PM): uh
timvinson1 (9:26:40 PM): depending on the time of the year
timvinson1 (9:26:44 PM): massachusetts, or japan
UnmannedSalmon (9:26:44 PM): lol
UnmannedSalmon (9:26:49 PM): woah japan!
timvinson1 (9:26:55 PM): yeah, i'm a marine haha
UnmannedSalmon (9:27:02 PM): woahhh
UnmannedSalmon (9:27:04 PM): thats awesome
timvinson1 (9:27:18 PM): massachusetts is homeeeeee, but i'm here in japan. time of the year meaning, i'd like to go home for christmas haha
UnmannedSalmon (9:27:28 PM): beats my boring life lol
UnmannedSalmon (9:27:50 PM): so what do they have you doing in japan?
timvinson1 (9:28:36 PM): air traffic control!
UnmannedSalmon (9:28:54 PM): o sick man
timvinson1 (9:29:37 PM): yeah haha, it's alright so far
timvinson1 (9:29:40 PM): so far so good
timvinson1 (9:29:49 PM): so it's 830 AM there right?
UnmannedSalmon (9:29:53 PM): yeah
timvinson1 (9:29:53 PM): what are you even doing awake?
timvinson1 (9:29:59 PM): it's 930PM here
timvinson1 (9:30:03 PM): sunday night,
UnmannedSalmon (9:30:23 PM): woah thats crazy
UnmannedSalmon (9:30:27 PM): talking to me from the future lol
timvinson1 (9:31:13 PM): more or less haha
timvinson1 (9:31:22 PM): what does my SN show up as?
UnmannedSalmon (9:31:52 PM): affiliatedsalmon
UnmannedSalmon (9:31:54 PM): lol
UnmannedSalmon (9:31:57 PM): mine?
timvinson1 (9:32:29 PM): unmanned salmon
timvinson1 (9:32:29 PM): haha
UnmannedSalmon (9:32:35 PM): lol
UnmannedSalmon (9:32:44 PM): the things crazy it puts up all kinds of stuff
UnmannedSalmon (9:32:49 PM): zombifiedsalmon
timvinson1 (9:33:23 PM): hahah
SO random hahaha.
anyone else had this strange salmon issue?
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| so! |
[06 Jul 2008|06:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Parkway Drive |
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So obviously I'm single now.
I'm trying to get over this, over time.
So far so good, as long as I don't dwell on what could've been.
This week..
We got lucky, and were given thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday off!!
The chances of this normally happening:
Slim to none.
I don't remember doing anything out of the ordinary on Thursday..
On Friday..
I went to the pool, as I have been doing for the past week or so now. From there, we got some curry at Cocos. Then back to base. Later that night, I went out to eat with a bunch of people at a place called Ghengis Kahn (sp? fucked haha). That was good. Kinda like Fire&Ice back home, except not as much food. Basically they had raw beef, chicken, fish, and something else. You put whatever meat in a bowl, followed by any assortment of vegetables, then any sauces or seasonings. Give it to one of the cooks and have him cook! It was pretty good. They also have "Ube" ice cream. It's potato ice cream i guess. I don't know how, it tastes like butterscotch.
From there, we drove on over to Kadena Air Base. They were having what was apparently called "America Fest". Basically a fair on the flightline, with EVE6 playing hahaha. They put on a pretty boring show, they looked like they were pissed to be there even. All in all it was a good time though. I got home and a BUNCH of drunk guys decided they wanted to see me shotgun beers and drink with them. That lasted all of about 15 mintues haha. Sleep was calling.
Saturday started early, around 7 or so. A bunch of us were driving to the port, to take a 2 hour ferry to the Karama Islands, specifically Zamami. After getting lost on the way, then not being able to find an open store for beer, then not getting beer, then finally getting there, we eventually got on the ship. It was a big ship, and we don't speak Japanese, so we just basically made our way around with hand gestures and the occasional "Yes" or "Thank you". Somehow, we were eventually directed to the top floor. The top floor being the very top of this boat, with absolutely NO shade, no seats, and 95 degrees on a 2 hour trip? Needless to say, I'm burnt. It was a pretty scenic trip though, especially considering the cheap cost. On the way, I decided to explore the ship a bit. As it turns out, there's a floor below us where you're at least in the shade. BUT across from that, is an air conditioned room with seats and a TV. I was wondering "who the hell gets these seats, and how??" Whatever, we dealt.
Upon arrival, the plan was to rent mopeds and drive on over to a beach to go snorkeling, then later explore more of the island. Well, there were no more mopeds to rent, and we had to settle with bicycles haha. Yeah, most of us are Marines, but still. With this weather, nobody wants to ride a bike up these steep hills.
This beach was worth the trip though, sorta. It was absolutely gorgeous. White sands and the clearest water you could ask for. The only thing missing- pretttyyyy American girls haha. Snorkeling here wasn't much to be excited about though. The water was clear yes, but there just didn't seem to be as much oceanic life to see. It was still really nice though.
Before we knew it, we had to catch the next boat back. We rode back UP another hill and down the first, got some ice cream and got on board. THIS TIME though, we weren't settling for less. We walked straight into the AC room and claimed some seats. Eventually it got too cold haha, so we watched some flying fish on the way back from the deck outside. Beautiful trip really.
From there, we drove back to base, and relaxed for just a little bit before going out again. I decided that some food was sounding good, so we went and got Cocos. So good, again. From there, we brought some food to a new guy that's stuck in the barracks for indoctrination crap over on Foster. He's in for a world of shit when he gets here though, soon. You're expected to be all motivated upon arrival, not so laid back. Soon enough anyways.
After Cocos, we decided we were going to get Massages haha. Although slightly ashamed, we went to some random place that they'd been to before. Upon being told of the hour long wait, we decided to check out the bar above us on the 4th floor. Definitely a good choice. This was a really small, quiet place on the roof of this building overlooking some of Okinawa. They didn't card, and all of us but the driver had a few drinks. The local brew here is Orion (pronounced o ree un, as opposed to o ry un), and I had that for the first time. It basically tastes like bud, but a little heavier. It's good, and definitely stronger. They also served us some sort of appetizer thing, and that was just terrible. I couldn't believe how bad it tasted, and was pretty sure that they didn't like Americans because of it haha.
After the massage, which I don't need to go into the details of, we stopped by a Lawson convenient store to get some food we'd never heard of. Half asleep and half drunk, I loaded up on random things and we were on our way. The night ended just as quickly as it had started, with me passing out shortly after getting into my room. All in all, it was a good weekend, and it has taken my mind of things.
Today went well too, basically getting brunch, getting a haircut, eating more, getting new speakers, and going to the pool.
Yeah, the whole situation does suck still, and I'm just getting angry when I think about it, but that fact just reminds me that it's not worth it, and neither is she, nor was she. Life goes on. I still don't even know if i'll stay in or not. Right now, the bonus for a corporal re-enlisting with my job is 71 grand. When the time for me to reenlist comes around, I'll be a Sergeant, and the bonus now is 81 grand. Those figures will definitely change by that time though, and I don't know whether they'll increase or decrease. Given the fact that the Marine Corps is aiming to increase in size, I don't think they'll give such big bonuses for much longer. Too bad, I wouldn't mind having some cash like that.
"they say, time will make this go away. but it's time that has taken my tomorrows, and turned them into yesterday"
meh.
SOON SOON SOON.
Luckily, I'm on nights tomorrow as well, so I'll still sleep in if I desire, and maybe watch a movie at work. I'm qualified on flight data, training on ground, and now training on radar final control. That almost seems like a bit much to work with, but I'd like to take the chance to show my worth to everyone. Hopefully all goes well, and I'm qualified before I know it.
oh, and i'll soon post all the pictures from this trip.
check back!
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| damn |
[04 Jul 2008|12:33am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
i never thought it would hurt this bad.
then again,
i never thought it would end this way.
i don't understand why.
nor do i understand why i'm letting it get to me so much.
i can normally block off feelings pretty easily.
but i can't help but associate her with everything.
and it hurts.
yeah it was short, but it was as real as it gets.
at least i thought it was.
i'm not doing well.
it's bringing everything down on me.
i hope things get better soon.
and as for the new fucking kid lucas..
give me fucking attitude, he'll be lucky if he stays outta the hospital when i get back.
the fuck does he think he knows?
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| 4:15 AM |
[20 Apr 2008|04:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
Quarter past four in the morning, sitting here drinking coffee smoking cigarettes, and I don't even smoke.
I'm on duty right now, and glad that the government computers can access this site so that I can update this at the moment. I want to just go ahead and type, but I've no idea what to say.
I think I'm going to be sick actually.
..
No such luck, yet.
Aside from the nausea, I have a a good feeling overall.
Sometimes you just sit down and think about it. About everything.
What you're doing, and where you're going.
Right now, no, I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, but I know where I'm at.
Scratch that, I don't even know that much either.
I am in Japan.
Just standing outside this building, looking around at the stars and everything around me, I wish I weren't so locked up, so to speak.
Why do we feel the need to have such scheduled and routine lives? Why can't we just take each day as they come? Why do we strive just to satisfy some sort of.. "social stereotype"? As if there's a set plan for everyone, a way things have to be for life to be fulfilled.
Bullshit.
Last time I checked, there's no definition, nor any plans set in stone for the way your life needs to turn out.
"Same shit, different day"
So make the change then. No, there's not enough time in one life to do everything we want, let alone in one day. But with each day comes exactly that; a new day.
New days// new beginnings.
Who's to say that you can't just go out and turn it all around in just one day?
I wish I could have done all this on my own. I've been sent here, and because of that, I am practically tied to a leash, physically and mentally. Don't stray too far, or someone'll have to yank back on that choke chain and reel you in.
Not that it's bad over here, at all.
Just that a night like this, where it's so nice outside, and all you hear is silence.. There is so much beauty, and so much wonder. You just need to know where to look..
And I want to start searching.
I don't wanna have one of those "COULD have, WOULD have, SHOULD have, BUT..." lives.
When I get out of the military, I am not jumping back into the regular, run-of-the-mill lifestyle. I am going to do as I please.
The most limiting factor in all this is that IT'S NOT THIS EASY.
That's just not the way things work! As much as I wish it weren't so, the schedules and routines, over time, allow us those breaks that we desperately need and desire. Fuck the norm.
I am a certified air traffic controller. What MOST people would do in my situation, is upon discharge, get a job with the FAA right?
Why?
Why even get out if you're going to do the exact same thing you were doing last week?
No.
Not right away anyways.
So far, here's what I got..
I simply want to bounce from part time job, saving cash till I can pack up and leave, the return to another job. I simply cannot do that if i were to go sign another contract. A part time job would..
True story: I don't even know what I'm saying
I'm sick of hearing everyone tell me how it's so nice that I've got my life all figured out. What the fuck do I have figured out? Tell me, I'd love to know. No, I have no idea what I'm going to do when I get out. I have no realistic goals or plans. All I know is that I signed the damn contract and I am here until further notice. What then? Time will tell I guess, but I sure don't have a clue.
I procrastinate far too much.
Alright, I don't have a plan, but who really does?
Some people may have one, but how many people have ever really followed through with it all, and had everything turn out as expected? It doesn't work out that way. Life throws curveballs, and you're going to strike out sooner or later.
It may not work out for everyone, but it's going to work for me. I'll eventually find myself, and I'll eventually figure it all out.
Until then, there's not really much else to do, aside from taking it day by day.
I only hope that I'll have someone to go through it all with. That's one thing I'd like to count on; love. It's by far, the strongest feeling inside me right now, and I hope it lasts. So far, so good. Really well.
This coffee isn't so good anymore..
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| stop this train... |
[10 Apr 2008|09:56pm] |
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music |
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Band of Horses |
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Not only am I a Marine, but I'm a Marine Air Traffic Controller.
Joining the service, all in all was a good choice.
That I can say without a doubt.
However,
I am now an air traffic controller.
I feel like in doing this, I have inadvertently skipped an essential part of life.
Just like a step in growing up, I feel like I've just passed it by.
There's an empty void between where I was, and where I am now, as well as where I'm going.
This isn't even going so far as to say that "I missed out," or anything like that.
It just feels like in the situation that I'm in, I'm just forced to.. get old, so to speak.
No, I don't want to be 16 or stay a teenager or go back to high school or get trashed all the time..
Having this responsibility on my shoulders at this age just seems unreal.
19 years old, working in a control tower on a Marine Corps base.
Sometimes you just go and think, "Wow, this is really my life huh..."
It really is, and the shit is no joke.
It's the path I've chosen and the path I'll follow until I am afforded the opportunity for more.
With that being said, I really need to step it up.
This job so far, only in a little more than a month, has been an enormous challenge.
You can get kicked out like it's nothing.
I need to start studying, and learning my job. Because it is exactly that; my job.
This is what I'm getting paid for.
And that is what freaks me out!!
It goes far beyond just taking your job seriously,
because it's not just YOUR job or YOUR life;
It's the life of the pilot flying overhead,
And the careers of the Marines working on the team with you.
I just feel like I'm not even in my own shoes as of lately.
Somewhere along the lines, they must've gotten mixed up.
Sure, I accidentally traded lives with someone at the bowling alley maybe.
I'm 19 and I've began my career and my life.
I really don't know how to explain this feeling, but it's there alright.
IN OTHER NEWS, I also went on another CH-46 flight ALL around Okinawa today.
I'll post the pictures in the next entry.
The flight was 2 hours. I'm not going to try to be modest about it or anything. I'm not going to play it off like it was "alright," or "okay."
The views from a helicopter traveling all around this island, are nothing short of exhilarating.
Like nothing you'll ever experience anywhere else.
Leaning out the open window of a helicopter traveling over various terrains, the wind practially taking you away.. It's something else all together.
The serious temptation of jumping out the back,
Just to know what it's like to fly,
To "land" in the clouds..
The power of the ocean; waves crashing against the cliffs.
It's really just amazing, thinking about everything just laid out in front of you like that.
There is a lot of beauty in the world.
Sometimes I guess you just have to look for it in the right places.
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| so.. |
[30 Mar 2008|08:24pm] |
on the way to japan,
i flew over alaska!!
hence the pictures:
taken with my sweeeet new camera.
my sweeet new camera that has no battery because it's still in america!! eff word!
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| a dream! |
[28 Mar 2008|05:45am] |
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real quick, while i still kinda remember, here's my dream.ish..!
okay so at some point i was drinking, and only had like two pitchers or something.
was walking in my neighborhood and looking for something.
had to pee real bad.
filled up this like huge thing, and still had to go hahaha.
walked by some house
and there was a random giraffe.
i took out my camera phone and took a picture, 2 actually.
then i noticed he looked pissed
i started to run and he charged me. so i ran right under his legs
and up the stairs of this house.
thenn it came back,
and i guess it decided to stand up and land two of its legs on me.
to so i started punching it and whatnot
and i took his 2 rear legs out and he fell.
then came back and kept going.
i knocked him down good, and then ran into the backyard to look for a bike to steal.
no luck!
walked down the road, saw a TON of people i used to know.
they all looked the same.
one of them walked with me saying how he had been wicked drunk.
kept walking
got to some theatre ish sorta place.
i had a ticket, but it sent me to the wrong line.
i went right, and finally found a toilet!
filled it, over filled it, and walked away still having to pee!
kept walking in basically circles, food all around.
then got back to the start.
i had the right ticket! it sent me straight.
from there, someone asked where i was going, and i guess i told him something.
a car drives up and picks me up.
randomlyyyyyyyy it was ashlee simpson. she parks for a second,
breaks into someones random car.
and comes back with a small bottle of.. prava vodka. never heard of it!
then we get out.
oh and there's somebody next to me i guess now.
and we start walking.
there's this girl on the ground, and she looks fuckeddd.
she starts to open her eyes and ask "are you my relief?"
ashlee simpson twists something on her wrist and says
huh? what's a relief?
then tells us that she's a "doser" and does drugs that
make you not have to feel at all.
then i woke up,
and had to pee!
that's why i could never pee enough in the dream.
as i'm typing this i'm remembering another part, before all that, when i was at jeffs house.
i think that's where i was drinking. and going on his computer.
it's just turning 6am now! bye!
straaaaaaaaaaaaangest dream.
that's all!
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